#it never feels like enough. it probly never will
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transmechanicus · 1 day ago
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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frankenstheythem · 4 months ago
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barely woke up and got blasted by my friend begging me to go hang out sending me a shitton of reels and a nude pic out of nowhere(WHYYYYYY) like bitch do you think im watching all that shit. also creepy????¿? even if it was accidental. holy fuck cant i have a break from draining ass weird fucking people im done
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444sweetmourninglamb · 3 months ago
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i will
˚𝜗𝜚˚notes ➵ satoru x reader. fluff! sfw! showering together. inspired by i will by mitski. not proof read. sleepy toru ;(
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you had just arrived back from a mission, deciding to stop by your husband's office. satoru hadn't responded to any of your messages, so you figured he fell asleep at the school again. you walked in, seeing him asleep in his chair, his legs spread and arms resting lazily in his lap. "satoru?" you said softly, rubbing his shoulder to coax him awake.
"mmmh.." satoru groaned softly. his blindfold was still on, so you couldn't tell if he was awake or just making noises.
"satoru." you repeated a bit louder.
"'m up, 'm up..." he responded groggily. you ran your fingers through his hair, satoru humming at the feeling. "you're back?" his voice was deep and raspy from just waking up.
"yeah." you leaned down to place a soft kiss on top of his head. "let's go home, kay?"
"mhm..." he stood up and immediately wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tightly.
"oh-" you muttered, his sudden act of affection taking you by surprise. you wrapped your arms around him and rubbed his back. he kissed your hairline before resting his chin on top of your head. his embrace was tight, and you felt like you were going to fall backwards due to the amount of weight he was putting on you. "you okay?" you asked softly, your hands sliding up the back of his shirt to rub his skin.
"yeah, 'm fine. can't hug you?" he replied. "jus' missed my baby, s'all" he muttered.
"mmh...missed you, too." you said, pulling back to place a tender kiss on his lips. when the kiss broke you spoke again, "we really gotta go, ijichi's waiting."
"okay, okay." satoru said as you untangled yourself from his embrace. he intertwined his fingers with yours as the two of you walked to the car.
"when's the last time you were home?" you asked, looking up at your husband.
"not too sure...so many back-to-back missions n s'much paper work...not enough time to go home." he opened the car door for you before getting in behind you.
"probly haven't slept much then, huh?" you asked.
"yeah, but 'm fine." he said. you sighed when he tried to brush it off. you grabbed his hand and rubbed it, leaning your head against his shoulder. he rested his head on top of yours and exhaled softly. after a few minutes, you arrived back at you and satoru's shared penthouse.
the two of you went to the bathroom together, beginning to brush your teeth. you glanced over at the clock in the bathroom. it was early, thankfully, 12:34 am. you finished up and turned to satoru.
"'m gonna shower." you said, causing your husband to groan.
"noooo, just come to bed." he whined.
"no, i'm dirty. n you should probly shower too." you said, walking over to him and taking off his blindfold. you could see the exhaustion on his face, his eyes slightly red and faint dark circles visible under his beautiful cerulean eyes. you turned on the water and began undressing. "c'mon, you gonna join me?"
"yeah, 'm comin'..." he said softly, taking off his clothes as well. the two of you stepped into the shower, satoru sighing as the warm water hit his back. he looked down at you and cupped your cheek. "you're so beautiful." he said quietly before kissing your forehead. "i love you."
"i love you too, toru." you replied gently. you pulled away to begin shampooing your hair, watching as satoru sighed and leaned against the shower wall. he looked so tired, though he'd never admit he was.
"want me to wash your hair f'you?" you asked him softly.
"hm? oh. um...could you?" he replied quietly.
"mhm. come here." you said gently. satoru complied. walking over to you and leaning forward. you got more shampoo and began massaging it into his scalp.
"mmmh...feels nice." he murmured. you continued to massage his scalp for a little while longer before rinsing it out. you rinsed your own hair before applying conditioner to both of your hair. you grabbed the soap and began to lather it onto his body. "you don't have ta do that f'me" he said lazily.
"you're barely awake, baby. just let me take care of you, okay?" you replied, massaging the soap into his tense body.
"i'm fine, really." he tried to sound serious, but he sounded more tired than anything.
"shhh" you hushed him before rinsing him off. you washed and rinsed your own body before grabbing two towels to dry off yourself and satoru. the two of you finished up in the bathroom before walking into your shared bedroom. satoru immediately got into bed, not bothering to put any clothes on.
"please...lay w'me." satoru said lazily. you did as he asked, laying down with him. he scooted closer to you nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "thank you f'takin' care of me.." he murmured.
"you're welcome." you replied softly, rubbing his back before placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder. "i love you." you murmur to him.
"love you too" he muttered half asleep. the two of you fell asleep quickly, content in just holding each other as the night went by.
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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 2 months ago
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a
Yesterday i got the craziest message out of the blue .. My ex bf from 2011-2013's other ex gf who he was with before me hit me up to say that he got arrested?? And that her and like 5 other people are pressing charges against him for assault spanning across all different periods of time.. it's really wild idk how to feel. She said if i feel comfortable i can give my own testimony for when they go to court , even tho i dont live in england anymore.. Im like yeah honestly i will because like this dude is so unrelentingly violent and scary he legit almost killed me it was so extreme, i've known a lot of corrupt ppl but he is the only one i've always thought needs to be locked away from society like it's a murder scene waiting to happen not to mention he is just a straightup rapist
it's crazy too cus like 4 or 5 nights ago i had a dream that me and him and the girl who messaged me were all watching videos of ourselves in that time period like i even posted about it on here. i thought it was just a typical trauma processing dream not an actual premonition of something i would have to revisit irl
She said something about how she'd been looking back in her old fb messages with him to help paint a picture of the timeline so out of morbid curiosity today i checked to see if i still had ours. Sure enough i do, i've never looked at them retroactively before, but holy shit like... He is so much more of a monster than i even remembered, i dont get triggered easily anymore but it genuinely hurt my heart to see how horrible he was. Every conversation is just him snapping at me because i didnt respond to him fast enough or something so minor, and the whole time im just trying to apologize and de-escalate but it makes him more and more furious. the day before i was about to fly to london to move back in with him he was threatening to kill himself because i was going to my friends house to say bye to them. He was like "You're going to a party i just know it you're lying to me you'd never tell me you're really going to a party because you know i'm suicidal you've ruined my night you're a piece of shit" Like this was the NIGHT before i was about to leave everything behind just for him
i'm like rly shocked at everything i saw in that convo today im not even scratching the surface with this post. Anyways i guess it's cool that there is some justice happening right now and the people who survived him have been able to band together to try and ensure he can't hurt anyone else in the future. i rly wish none of us ever had to go thru any of that tho ugh i was so young i just really had no idea and it fucked me up for many many years afterwards. ive come a long way tho .
ill probly delete later cus idk who lurks this blog. i prefer not to show weakness :K But yeah.. just wanted to express this crazy unexpected life event and get it off my chest while its fresh
Peace and love !!!
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kooki914 · 5 months ago
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I AM HERE
More incorrect quotes except there’s a few more characters! A few are from me and my friends
~~~
Spade: Never eat the ashes of the dead
Queen: I will
Spade: Nuh uh. I already did. I used them as popcorn seasoning
Queen: FORBIDDEN PEPPER
Asgore: Hey guys what should I eat?
Spade: Newborns
Spade: Go fuck yourself.
Asgore, smugly (and also probly drunkly): Sure, but only if you watch
Toriel: You're a lying piece of shit!
Asgore: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Spade: I'm leaving and I'm taking Queen with me!
Rudy, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.
Asgore: Team A will consist of myself, Spade, Toriel, and Rudy.
Asgore: Team B will consist of Queen.
Toriel: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?
Asgore: Schrödinger's boys.
Spade: FUCK!
Rudy: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?
Queen: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.
Queen: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.
Toriel: ...
Asgore: ...
Spade: ...
Rudy: ...
Queen: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.
Queen: What makes you all smile?
Toriel: Friends and Family.
Rudy: Snacks.
Spade: Victory and success.
Asgore: Face muscles.
~~
He needs help
~~
Queen: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Rudy: 'Prettiest Smile'
Toriel: 'Nicest Personality'
Spade: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Asgore: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
Toriel: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Rudy: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Queen: Drunk.
Spade: Wasted.
Asgore: Dead.
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I actually got a bunch of ideas for the monopoly one so I feel the need to expand on it: Rudy takes the role of banker out of necessity, as no one else wants it, not even Queen, who can do all the necessary math in less than a second. Spade tries to cheat at multiple points in time but Rudy and Toriel keep catching him, Asgore is none the wiser. Because of this, Asgore is the first out of the game due to bankruptcy. While Queen's busy laughing at him, she ends up getting ousted from the game too, betrayed by her fellow queen Toriel. Rudy is just playing to survive while Toriel and Spade are at each others throats. Neither of them are letting up. Spade's been in jail more times than he can count but somehow it's not slowing him down. Toriel is beyond pissed. Insults start getting thrown, mostly by Spade. Queen and Asgore get caught in the crossfire. Rudy's the only one still staying at least Somewhat lighthearted with all of this. Then Toriel and Spade start screaming at each other:
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In other news here's the yearbook shitpost that I included someone else into as well whom i will post about in the near future I Hope.
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And last but not least:
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piffany666 · 7 months ago
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Ok just one more punk progeny wont hurt ~
Chapter 9: differences
(Ftm Bright eyes - uses he/him pronouns)
(Lovely demi girl - uses they/she pronouns)
Tw: underage drinking
Lovely gave a hesitant knock on Bright's door.
A few seconds later Lovely was met with a very agitated looking Bright eyes.
"What is it?....you brought wine...?"
Bright's tone was initially very defensive, until his gase made its way down to the noticeably large and decadent bottle in Lovely's hands.
"Yeah I found it on one of the shelves in the hallway, its not doing any good being up there so i thought why not use it to celebrate you becoming part of the solair clan? I know you're technically not old enough to drink but hey! I think spending eternity being 19 is way too harsh of a punishment to do sober, so what do ya say?"
Bright eyes looked stunned, but nonetheless, he answered.
"I say mind the empty boxes and get your ass and that bottle in here!"
20 minutes later:
Let it never be said that Bright and Lovely weren't lightweights.
They were both sitting on the bed, pouring wine that was older than both of them combined into mugs Bright had brought up to his new room.
The blush on Bright's face was a shade of crimson against his skin. Lovely's was a deep pink.
They giggled between slurred words as they housed down the wine.
"Ok ok so- im sorry i-i have to ask"
Slurred Lovely.
"Yeah? Hic* whats up?"
Bright eyes answered, finding it increasingly difficult to sit up.
"You and Porter?"
Lovely didnt even finish before they both burst into a cascade of giggles, she didnt have to. Bright knew what she ment.
"Whaaat?"
Asked Bright eyes, as if Lovely was judging him for his taste in men.
"Nothing nothing! It's just hic* I heard from alexis that you where hehe~"
Lovely playfully nudged Bright's side, he giggled and pushed her away in response.
"Dont be gross!"
"Haha! What? I was just asking! I mean you've only known him like less than 20 minutes"
Bright couldn't help but smirk at this
"Uhh actually hehe we had already met, at a bar hic* the other day"
"Oooh! So this was like a reunion? Got it"
"Hehe yeeah, wait hic* how dose alexis know about that?"
Lovely began pouring another mug
"Oh she said she walked in on you two going at it in the hallway"
Bright eyes nudged Lovely with his mug, gesturing that hed like a refill
"Oooohh that explains why he dipped out on me"
Lovely began pouring another mug.
"He's probably waiting for YOU you know? I bumped into alexis on my way here so he's defiantly finished talking with her soooo"
Lovely was done with refilling his cup however he nudged her arm while she was pouring, indicating that he wanted more than what she was allowing him to have.
Lovely stumbled a bit because of this and for a second she worried that the wine would spill onto the bed and stain it.
"Yeeaah but I'll be damned if i wait around for a man for too long so hic* i left after he was gone for like hic* 1 minute...?"
Bright took the mug from her without any consideration that it could spill, and to Lovely's relief it didnt.
"What you gonna do if he shows up here?"
"Hic* I dunno probly turn him away"
"Heck Yeah!"
Lovely high fived the hand that didnt contain a mug full of wine.
"You know how much me and vincent hate Porter? I'm not judging you buuut"
Bright scoffed
"Why tho?"
"Hic* long story, I can already feel a headache forming"
Lovely grabbed at the skin between her forehead. Her vision was begining to blur. So was Bright's
"Damn how'd you manage to get a hangover BEFORE you're done drinking?"
"Oh piss off!"
Lovely playfully pushed him but due to his state he fell backwards instantly, the wine splashed as he fell
"OH SHI-"
Bright exploded with laughter, ignoring the wine he spilled over himself.
Thankfully he didn't get any on the bed sheet.
Once they had both calmed down, Lovely realized something.
"Wait- Wait.... Porter told us that he was talking a 'newborn' to the summit as his plus one"
Bright looked stunned, then his brows furrowed.
"Was he talking about you?!"
The question caused Bright's previous expression to change into one of suprise and confusion.
"I mean....he didn't SAY anything to me about it...?"
Lovely pushed herself up from the bed
"So you're telling me that asswhole said he was bringing you to the summit WITHOUT EVEN ASKING YOU FIRST?!"
Lovely recalled just how stressed Vincent was over inviting an additional vampire to the sumit, them being a newborn made things even more inconvenient, but the fact that the person he was inviting was not only already invited but they were the god damn guest of honour?!
Lovely was pissed, in more ways than one and it showed.
"Hey chill out! He probably didnt even mean ME i-im I was....just a one nighter i mean come on!"
"Dont play dumb! I saw how he looked at you today in that meeting, heee likes youuuu~"
He agressive tone from before had vanished and turned into a juvenile one, the kind youd expect to hear at a 12 year old's sleepover"
"Please stop"
They went back to laughing hysterically.
4 mugs of wine and 1 black out later:
"You know...I was a foster kid"
Bright was just coming to when he heard this.
"Really?....how did you know I was one too?"
"Vincent told me"
By this point they were both close to falling asleep at any moment, however, this was something Lovely had wanted to talk to Bright about since the moment Vincent had told her this piece of information, so she pulled herself together and took another sip, hoping it would keep her awake despite it being the thing causing her fatigue.
"Vincent told me that you told him"
"Oh Yeah, I remember"
Lovely once again was lost on how to continue this conversation.
"D-do you have any siblings?"
"Well-"
Bright hesitated.
"I don't know what it was like for you but in the homes i went to we all considered each other 'siblings' but biological? No. Not that I know of"
"Huh. Do you still keep contact with any of them?"
Lovely couldn't tell if he looked sad or just tired.
"I did. With one of them. But then she just...stopped"
"I'm really sorry"
For a moment they just layed there, quiet and still.
Until Bright got up and poured himself another, seemingly doing the same thing Lovely was attempting to do.
"What about you? Got any sibling?"
Lovely seemed to perk up at this.
"Yeah actually. Biological but they got adopted before me, the parents only wanted them"
Bright scowled.
"Tipical, honestly, they should do two for one deals with these sorts of things?!"
Lovely assumed he was joking due to the serious nature of the topic of discussion, so they laughed.
"Yeah Well, I was lucky enough to keep contact with them the whole time online, last year I got to meet them in person tho since I started going to damn and theyd been going there a little while before me"
Bright gave a warm smile. He seemed genuinely happy to hear that lovely was able to see their sibling again.
"They're doing good for themselves too, they have a nice boyfriend, a good friend group and they're so damn talented with magic!....I'm glad they ended up ok even without me"
Lovely gently touched his arm.
I'm hoping that even with your rough start, you can do the same"
His smile dropped as his lips parted in suprise, he didn't know how to respond. So he didn't.
He just clicked his mug with hers and continued to sip it.
The brim hiding his smile.
Vincent was still in shock in regards to what happend.
He would be lying if he said he hadn't seen Lovely angry before but this was....diffrent.
He also felt bad that Lovely had inadvertently made Sam feel like he needed to leave.
Vincent thought that the best thing to do would be to go and confront her.
But that was before he saw her and Bright laying on Bright's bed wasted.
"What the-?!"
"Ok ok so old wine....is good wine hic*"
Lovely didnt seem to notice Vincent standing gob smacked in the doorway.
"Yeah ok ok but hic* expensive wine....is good wine also-"
"What are you guys doing?"
Vincent finally got Lovely's attention.
"Oh hiiiii~ hey vinc hic* whats up?"
"A-are you drunk? Why are you drunk?!"
"Relax, I just thought we could use a drink is all"
Lovely was desperately trying to sit up, luckily her cup was empty so she didnt need to worry about spillage.
"We just established that Bright isn't old enough to even drink!"
"Oh chill out grandpa, Lovely here already got a headache"
Lovely, still stumbling over herself, pushing Bright eye's leg before falling over herself and eventually being caught by Vincent.
She looked up at him for a moment then smiled sweetly.
"Hi~"
She went to kiss him but she could barely keep herself up so she didnt succeed.
Vincent decided to excuse the absurdity of the situation and prioritise getting Lovely to bed before it got too light outside.
"Ok time to get you to bed, say bye to Bright"
"Byyee!~"
She waved lazily at him, he did the same.
Given Lovely's state, Vincent thought it was wise to ask Bright how he was holding up.
"Hey, you gonna be Ok?"
"Yeeeaah ill be fine"
Vincent trusted Bright not to do anything too stupid between now and night time.
"Alright then"
Vincent proceeded to carry Lovely into their bedroom a floor up.
Bright tried to sleep off the feeling swimming throught his head......But he couldn't.
Epilogue:
A knock on the door caused Bright eyes to jolt up from his bed.
He wasn't asleep, however he was still suprised by the sound, especially since the intoxicated state he was in amplified all sounds.
He groaned as he felt himself moving from his bed on the door.
"What?"
He slurred, voice thick with sleep.
He opened the door to Porter standing in front of him.
"I apologise for the late arrival~"
"Yeah? Why'd you run off before then? Cold feet?"
Bright had previously been told the answer to this question, however he still wanted to tease him, and see if he would tell the truth.
Porter winced at the implication that Bright had thought this entire time that Porter had left him due to "cold feet". Despite this, he coughed then gave a small slightly awkward laugh.
"N-no I do apologise for leaving its just....alexis saw us. I knew she would tell vincent and i really dont fancy having my head removed before I could get a chance to ask you something important, you understand?~"
Bright didnt answere, he did however share a kiss with Porter once he had finished apologising, he wasn't entirely sure who initiated it but he reciprocated nonetheless.
"Hmm~ may i come in?"
Bright could feel Porters breath against his lips.
Bright eyes smiled.
"No".
Then he closed the door to his room.
@darlin-collins thank you for proof reading as usual ♡
@anexistingexistence @you-think-i-care-mate
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tinypandacakes · 6 months ago
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Helloo! I love ur fics sm u genuinely make my day better whenever u post. Ur such a talented writer and I can see how much work u put into ur writings and I admire u a lot. Ty for giving us some amazing art to read *chefs kiss* BUT ANYWAY enough of the sappy stuff lol I had a question abt König from ur series ‘Trapper Keeper’ and was wondering abt his past relationships or lack there of. Has he ever been intimate with another woman besides reader or were any of the women he has been with (if he has) were intimated by his size (also how big is he) and didn’t want to have sex?
Hi! Ahh thank you for saying so ☺️ you’re very sweet!
mildly NSFW and spoilers below for people who haven’t read yet ~
I’m not diving super deep into his social/sexual history in this story, but I HC König in his late thirties or early 40s. personally, I like him on the older end of that range, but I leave it vague so you can imagine what you like :3. probably some relationships here or there. he makes a comment about not meeting the right person when Hase asks if he has a spouse, so the assumption is he has never married.
It’s definitely possible his height and dick have intimidated partners in the past though 😭 and while he has learned to play nice through the years, his personality can come across as way too intense, so there’s that too
ive been trying to show that he’s definitely not some shy virgin, but it has been a while since he’s been with someone. Hase would assume that he’s probly only jerked off for the ~ two years he’s been at the cabin :( abusing his poor cock with his rough and calloused grip
He seems to know what he’s doing sexually but was rusty and anxious around her in the beginning [his hands shook the first time he undressed her when she was sick, when he touched her in the bath he was too rough/fast on her clit until she guided him] But now that he’s comfortable with her, he doesn’t want to take his hands off her. :3
He is not a sex god or something in this fic but is aware that he is bigger than average and doesn't want to break his toy before he's even gotten to play with it properly, y'know? That wouldn’t be fun for anyone. And the chase is half the fun, anyway….
But he is very eager and interested in making Hase pliant feel good! She is conflicted but internally admits to sort of liking it when he’s a little rough and scary, which :) suits König just fine :) because :) he does seem :) to have a teensy bit of sadistic streak in him…. :)
But really...it’s not his fault that Hase is so adorable when her big doe eyes are wide and full of tears, and she’s just looking up at him, willing and waiting for guidance 🥺 poor little thing...lost and confused. good thing König knows what she really needs 🐇💕
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ourimpavidheroine · 9 months ago
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Welp, you probly saw this one coming. And I'm gonna be the one to ask it. Have you seen the live action AtLA, and if so, what did you think and/or how did you feel?
I have watched it!
Spoilers ahead, so I'll put it under a cut.
Hmmmm. Well, I didn't hate it, the way I hated the live action movie. The producers clearly cared a great deal about the source material, which was a nice change. I do feel like the series was done with love for the source material, which was not what happened with the movie. (Shyamalan himself admitted he'd never even seen ATLA - neither before nor after he directed the film. Unacceptable.)
I think, however, that there were two issues with the Netflix version that made it so it couldn't possibly match up to the animated series.
Due to time and budget constraints, they could only show the plotlines that moved the main story forward and thus missed out on so much of the deep dive into the characters and worldbuilding that the original series is known for, and;
The show is unclear about who the series is actually for.
The first point is one that streaming services like Netflix and the rest are especially guilty of perpetrating all the time, not just with Avatar, for sure. While I appreciate the time and budget constraints, the reality is that all of those "filler" episodes in ATLA gave us a greater understanding of these children, their world, and their relationships with each other. It's important that we understand that Aang is a LITTLE BOY - in his mind, in the beginning, he's only been the Avatar for a day. He isn't even his teens yet! Having him want to sled on otter penguins and ride elephant koi establishes for us that he's just a 12 year old kid who has zero idea what being the Avatar means, because he's not had the time to learn what it is to be the Avatar. (It's established in the original that the Avatar isn't told who they are until they are 18 or so - the decision to tell Aang so young has to do with war, and not tradition. It's also very telling that the Avatar after Aang can already bend 3 out of the 4 elements when still a fucking toddler.) Having him understand the gravitas of being the Avatar straight out the gate - not even a day has gone by for him, despite 100 years going by for everyone else - takes him right the fuck out of he's just a child figuring it out territory and into he's a Messianic Figure territory in the space of 30 minutes. Which you know. Makes it into a different show entirely.
Sokka and Katara, despite their trauma, are still kids. They don't know how to handle their shit yet. (Which is why, in the original, Sokka tries to be the adult of the group, but in reality he's a 15 year old kid who's had too much responsibility heaped onto his head and he is aching to just be a regular teen in a way he's never been allowed to be. And do dumb shit. Like drink cactus juice. Or go shopping for matching bags.) The showrunners have explained that they didn't think Sokka's misogynistic arc was necessary but uh. It is. Sokka has no idea what it means to be a man, because he's had no good example. He has to learn that as he goes - and by the time he gets to the North Pole, where misogyny is actively practiced, he has matured enough to understand why it's wrong, even during war. Sokka, as a character, learns more than all the rest of the Gaang put together. Sure, he's not a bender and no, he hasn't got Zuko's redemption arc, but Sokka is their leader. He has to learn how to actually lead the rest of them without being a douche about it, and that growth - which he does on his own - gives us the Sokka who has become a respected leader at the end of the series, despite his age. He grows into that, despite his mistakes. He learns. And he never gives up his humor, his sarcasm, and his personality to do it. We know, in the original, that Sokka has been damaged by this war. It's painfully clear. But that's because the original shows us, and it does that through all of the "filler" episodes. It does not tell us. The Netflix version tells us, and then tells us some more, making him humorless and dour. Oof. Why the hell would either Suki or Yue be interested in this dude? The original Sokka was funny, despite his missteps. He was humble in trying to make amends. He was vulnerable. This kid? Yeah, whatever. No shade on Ian Ousley. He's not being directed well, and the writing has failed him.
And Katara. Well. Let's just say that I would believe that this Katara would be happy to grow up into nothing but a wife and mother, content to raise the Avatar's babies and sit passively by in her old age, refusing to get involved in the civil war brewing in the South Pole, not expecting a statue the way the rest of them got. The only time we see her with a bit of a spark is when she challenges Pakku, but even at that there's no passion, no anger. Where's our passionate Katara, the match for Zuko's rage? She's the last surviving Southern Water Tribe waterbender, and original Katara is constantly aware of that in a way that Aang, the last surviving Airbender, isn't for quite some time. That juxtaposition of the two of them and their awareness of who they are - in the entire world! - shows us the difference between a girl who was raised in and suffered great losses due to war and a boy who was raised in peace and prosperity. The Netflix version doesn't even TELL us this, short of a flashback of her mother being fried. OG Katara is driven to learn waterbending because she knows that her very people - her very culture - depends upon her learning it, and despite her patience with Aang and her natural gift for teaching, she never forgets it. And again, no shade on Kiawentiio, who I think is actually a fine actress. She's just not being allowed to do what she needs to do by the writing/directing, and that's not on her.
The same goes for Gordon Cormier, who is fine as Aang. But I wish like hell they'd actually let him play Aang, instead of whoever this kid in the remake is. Because I bet if they had let him, he would have nailed that wonderful, playful and yes, deeply afraid little boy who does depend on his friends, but not just because the script makes him tell us, again and again and again. (We get it, Albert Kim. You don't have to keep telling us, in so many words, that Aang needs his friends. Please. For the love of Kyoshi, stop telling us.)
But really, this is one example of what condensing 20 episodes into 8 does for us. We're told Aang needs his friends, instead of watching it unfold naturally as time goes on. Only hitting the bare basic of plot points means that it's the plot that concisely drives the live action show, and not the characters. It really changes the show, and not in a way that I personally enjoyed.
Now to be clear, I was fine with some of the changes they made to the original story. I was okay with both Katara and Sokka being taken into the spirit world, etc. I wasn't expecting a remake beat by beat, and honestly, wouldn't want that. You hope to see something new in a remake, or what's the point? But boy, did I miss the filler bits. Which, in a show as well done as the original, were vital to the show itself.
Plenty of people have bitched about the CGI with regards to all the fantasy animals but it's no worse than any of the endless CGI we're subjected to nowadays. I just expected it to be as crappy as any of the rest - looking at you, Marvel movies - and it was. At this point I keep my expectations at zero with CGI. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised, but in this particular case it did the bare minimum of what it needed to do, even if it meant that Appa had zero personality. (See only focusing on plot instead of characters, above.) I don't really know what else to say about that.
The costumes were adequate. That being said, Sokka and Katara's perfect clothing was a joke. I mean, you keep TELLING us that the war has devastated the Southern Water Tribe but these kids are wearing brand new, well-fitted, unstained clothing? Come on. They'd be wearing hand-me-downs, worn with use, repaired with whatever their tiny, isolated village had at hand. It's appropriate to have certain characters wearing well-made clothing - the Fire Nationals, to name one. (Bumi's outrageous hat was glorious, and perfectly on point.) But these peasants we see, the Earth Kingdom ones who are downtrodden, often starving? Why are their clothes so nice? I'm not talking about their clothes not being fancy. I mean, where's the wear and tear? Why aren't the costumes more ill-fitting or on the ragged side? Even Jet looked pretty spiffy, scruffy hair notwithstanding. It was something that nagged at me the entire time I was watching.
Although props to whomever is doing hair and makeup, because Kiawentiio's messily braided hair and her clear, bare skin are perfect. (That applies to all the teenage girls, none of whom were made up. Not counting the Kyoshi makeup, of course. That's what happens when you cast a 14 year old to play a 14 year old, instead of a 30 year old with a pound of makeup on her face, trying to make her pass for younger.) Not to mention I really appreciated Gyatso's faded, creased airbender tattoos. That was a great touch, right there. Tattoos fade and darken!
The settings were well done, true. I really enjoyed that part of it. The Southern Air Temple, was so beautiful, and Omashu! I know it's all CGI, but they did a good job with that part of it. The set pieces clearly had a lot of care put into them, even if some of them were fairly basic. No bitching from me on that point, although that's usually something Netflix in general manages.
All that being said!
There is one area where Netflix's version does really well, which is more insight and focus into the adults. Ken Leung's Zhao is flat out amazing in the live action - we see far more of him and his machinations, and it's so good. And holy shit, Daniel Dae Kim's Ozai! Watching him pit his children against each other in such a malicious, determined way takes him away from the distantly crazy Ozai that hates Zuko and loves Azula of the animated series to a complex and deliberately evil fascist in the live action and I was living for it. I truly was. They are not wasting either Kim or Leung here, and good on them. I want more of Ozai if they get another season!
I also very much like Dallas Liu's Zuko here. (Although come on, showrunners, do the scar right.) They've done more to flesh Zuko out - he's not quite the firebrand of the animated Zuko, but he's more tormented, and I see it as a solid acting choice on Liu's part. It would be really easy to make Zuko one note, but that's not happening, at all. Liu's making Zuko his, and as far as I am concerned he's doing it right. And god, don't even get me started on Paul Sun-Hyung Lee's Uncle Iroh. I knew he was going to knock it out of the park as soon as I saw he was cast and he has not disappointed. That scene where Zuko sits next to him during Lu Ten's funeral (and the soundtrack started playing Little Soldier Boy and how very fucking dare they) and Lee lets one slow tear track down his face while sweet young Zuko helps him keep vigil made me have all kinds of feelings. The way Lee, throughout the season, looks at Liu with such love and tenderness, all for this boy that everyone else sees as a piece of shit is so GOOD, ya'll. So good. Lee and Liu have palpably good chemistry together, and the showrunners are taking advantage of that, for sure. I mean, we know that Uncle Iroh is part of the White Lotus, and the entire show he has to balance letting Aang do his thing as the Avatar while at the same time keeping his clearly beloved nephew from falling into total despair and Lee nails it. I do hope, if the series continues, that we get to see a little more of Iroh's playful side - it humanizes him and also humanizes Zuko. (The moment where Jun tells Zuko she'll hunt down the Avatar because his Dad's cute and Zuko's face of teenage disgust made me laugh right out loud. More of that, please!) Lee and Liu's scenes were standouts for me.
But all of this brings me to my second point, which is who is the intended audience for this show?
The original was for kids, for sure. Absolutely. Bryke, for all their faults, were able to to work war and its devastation into the story while still keeping it firmly G-rated. The show's focus on the actual kids in the show, rather than the adults, meant that kids could relate to it in ways that have traveled with them into adulthood. There is an entire generation of people for whom this show was and is a lasting legacy and influence. It was like Star Wars for my generation. It was HUGE. And still is.
That being said, the Netflix show is not G-rated at all. People are being immolated in front of us. Many, many times. And while I appreciate that it gives us a visceral awareness of how terrible this war really is, it's certainly not for children! I mean, I would not have let my six year old twins - the age they were when we watched the original - watch the live action! Not on your life!
So who is the intended audience? The now adults who grew up with the show who are going to be extraordinarily hard to please? Adults who might have actually not have grown up with it for whatever reason and are watching the show without any preconceived expectations? Those of us who were parents, who raised our kids on it, who knew as adults how truly fucking outstanding the original was and who are going to be critical of the remake?
It surely cannot be for kids, or at least not younger ones. Even Netflix acknowledges this.
Because the thing is, there is only so much interest adults are going to have about the story of a 12 year old messiah and his little friends. Or at least that seems to be what Netflix thinks. So they've "Netflixed it" - they've made it darker, grittier, more violent, less playful. And because of that, they've taken the core trio of Aang, Katara and Sokka and have tried to make them grow up - made them humorless, more self-aware, more openly traumatized, more serious. And in doing so, they've really done these characters a huge disservice.
In fact, what I honestly think would have been better would have been to have made a live action feature that focused on the ADULTS. Made the Gaang peripheral to the plot - we see them when we see them, but they aren't the focus of the show. That would have been an interesting choice that I would have been all over, especially seeing the really good stuff with the remake that's set with the adults. Iroh, Ozai, Zhao, Gyatso, the Machinist, Bumi, Pakku and even the new character of Yukari, Suki's mother - all of them are excellent, and drawn into focus the way only Iroh was in the original show. If the focus had been on retelling the story through adult eyes, when we did see the Gaang, showing them as being just kids like they were in the original - immature, playful, etc. - would have worked instead of trying to mold the kids into mini-adults to keep them in line with the remake as it's clearly been envisioned. Actually, the more I think about it the more I think that would have been a fucking amazing remake, and if I am honest? I am really pissed they didn't do it.
But how it's been envisioned at this point - a show clearly for adults, which still focuses on a bunch of kids - is not really successful. It's a shame. I found myself really enjoying the adults in the show, and not enjoying the Gaang at all. Which surely was not the intent.
And on a completely personal note, seeing Kuruk with blue eyes made me miss like hell all of the different eye colors in the canon universe. I am very pro casting Asian and Indigenous actors in roles - it's how it should be done, end stop, no whitewashing, please - but at the same time, this is a fantasy world, not Asia, despite its acknowledged Asian influences. (Sometimes I do think people forget that.) I wish we'd seen the eye colors. Especially relevant when it comes to The Legend of Korra, where we see Republic City, and its melting pot, where waterbenders like Tahno can have fair skin and gray eyes due to mixed heritage, and brothers can have different bending and eye colors like Mako and Bolin. I miss Zuko's amber eyes, and Sokka and Katara's blue eyes. And Aang's soulful gray eyes, for sure. I get it that it might have been hard to expect the kids, at least, to wear contacts. But yeah. Not a dealbreaker for me, but I never stopped thinking about it while I was watching, so. Certainly something I actively missed, and not just for the aesthetic, either. It really does help us as viewers to understand by showing us how, in this particular time, that people from the different countries are keeping to themselves, especially when it comes to fraternizing (ahem). In other words, it wasn't done in the original just for cutesy anime references. There was an underlying reason for it. And the fact that the remake showrunners don't seem to either get it or find it important is very, very telling.
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galacticghoste · 4 months ago
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Was inspired by Head- ache (Really like ur idea of a what if child was more alien soooo did my own for Silho)
Ok heres the story it will remain the same as my YouthLegacy Au but with a twist at around 3 years old Silhouette would be kidnap by egg mans robots when she and her brother where in the playground on their own since it was near by their home.
The reason they went for Silhouette was the fact she looked more like her father and showed early signs of having his ability's as well as Amys strength
In the YL AU She would be rescued by her father and mother... BUT In this AU they failed to rescue her in time and Egg man would disappear for 8 years.
During that time her family and friends spent years trying to find them to no avile
Many wondered if its possable that she is dead Shadow and Maroon knew that wasnt true they could sence her still they are just not sure where
Maroon would feel immense guilt for not being strong enough to protect his own sister and freezing up that day
So what happend to Silho during those 8 years?????
She would be experimented on. Once Egg man realized she was more flawed then expected seeing that she cant go long without food or water, she needs sleep, plus she can get sick meaning she is likely mortal.
So instead of-trying to steal Maroon thinking its probably not worth the risk, he desides to completly change silhouettes DNA to fit more into his vison of the ultimate life form.
It would eventually be a success using some of Black arms DNA he came across a while ago and all the painful tests she had to endure over the years has made her vengeful and angery towreds her family specifically her brother.
These test slowly and painfuly turned Silho little more alien like with gaining a thired eye and growing a tail and her blood becoming green.
During this phaze where she was slowly becoming more ailen like she would constaly grow very ill and weak seeing that her small body could not yet accpted this new DNA her body was basicly rejecting itself so egg man needed to work quickly if she was to survve more test. She would eventually become stabel and showeds signs of her new self being diffrent like now she dosent need to eat or drink much water, or sleep and she can no longer get sick.
But she felt resentment towreds her brother and her family .
For in her eyes they never even bothered to look for her and probly forgotten all about her. While her brother got to live a normal life she had to endore many test by force . Egg man feed into these feelings she has and told her lies to make her despised them even more.
After every test he would tell a lil lie about how her familys doing great with out her and having the time of their lives telling her they dont need her or care about her.
But he dose he says that he saw potential in her and that if they really cared they would have gone to save her ages ago
Her strenght was never an issue though she was quite powerful but egg man realizes she dosent have control of this streghts, so inturn but multapul inhibitor rings specifically made to limite her strength as well as her chaos enegy since now with the new DNA in her body amplify her chaos enegy.
On her 11 birthday she would finaly be allowed to leave on stealth missions for him.
These stealth missions later lead to rumers going around of a strange little girl causing trouble.
She never ran way and remans loyal to egg man for in her eyes though he did terrabel things to her she truly belives he's the only one who cares about her. plus she knows theres no going back to her old life and her oldself.
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casspurrjoybell-17 · 11 months ago
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Heart’s Choice - Chapter 31 - Part 2
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*Warning Adult Content*
I don't consider myself a stupid guy, usually.
Sure, I couldn't read til I was eight but I knew the internal combustion engine inside out by the time I was five.
I'm a quick learner and self-motivated, as proven by the fact I basically taught myself high school, enough to pass the GED and get a diploma, anyway.
Toni hadn't been the most involved home-school teacher.
On the other hand, as my friends have noted in the past, sometimes it takes me too long to put two and two together.
Over the next hour, Alejo serves me two more drinks, another beer and something he calls an ángel caido, a fallen angel.
His own creation, he claims.
I'm not a heavy drinker but I'm not a lightweight, either.
I've got nothing on Aunt Toni 'never challenge her to tequila shots' but I can hold my own.T
wo beers and a cocktail should be nothing, so it's weird that I'm reeling by the time Alejo's shift comes to an end.
In fact, I feel like I did the last time he served me drinks,and as he guides me from the bar and out back to his car, something finally clicks into place.
"Fuck..." I catch myself against him as I miss the step at the door and almost fall.
"The fuck was in that drink? Did you... fucking roofie me?"
Alejo laughs.
"Nah, I just gave you a taste, man. A sample. Nothing to worry about."
"Did you... drug me last time, too?"
He props me against the hood of his car as he unlocks it.
"Not enough for you to notice. Just enough to make you feel good."
I feel like puking but giggle drunkenly instead.
"In that case, it didn't work."
Alejo scoffs.
"Bitch, please. You were begging for it. And now you're back for more. But don't worry, like I said, it's just a taste. Don't freak on me like Kyle did."
"You're... dealing drugs."
I curse myself for not texting John.
I knew if I did, he'd text back and I'd get excited and distracted and blow my cover.
A good bartender knows how to read people and Alejo is good at what he does.
So, I'd kept my phone in my pocket, resisting the burning urge to check my messages.
I hadn't dared slip away to the bathroom, either, afraid that, given what happened last time, Alejo would take it as an invitation and follow me.
"Calm your tits, man," he says, circling around to the back of his car and popping open the trunk.
"This shit isn't even illegal. Probly should be but it's like, made from some kinda fuckin' herbs, or some shit. My cousin hooked me up with the supplier. Sells for more than cocaine, to the right buyers. C'mere."
Reluctantly, I push myself away from his car and walk towards him unsteadily.
He'd parked in the alley behind the bar and except for a row of trash cans and a few other vehicles, it's deserted.
Given how low I've been scoring on the smart meter so far, I'd be only half surprised if he knocked me out and threw me in his trunk but instead he lifts the cover off the spare wheel-well and sets it aside.
Instead of a spare tire, the space is filled with a donut-shaped container made of dense, black Styrofoam.
Lifting the lid, he sets it aside, revealing hundreds of small, cylindrical glass bottles nestled in fitted depressions within the foam.
He pulls one out, holding it up between his finger and thumb to show me the clear liquid within.
"It's called possession," he says.
"One drop of this, and you feel good, like you do, now. Two drops and you're open to suggestion. Three and you won't remember your own name in the morning, much less mine and you'll do anything I say. More than that gets dangerous."
"It's a... date rape drug?" I gasp, unable to hide my disgust.
Alejo rolls his eyes and puts the vial away, re-covering the container and closing the wheel-well.
"It's a party drug. I'm not responsible for how it's used."
I feel the blood literally drain from my face as something clicks into place.
"If you gave someone enough of this and told them to kill themselves, would they do it?"
Alejo laughs.
"There's a sick thought. I dunno. Probably, if you did it right. It's not like it completely destroys your sense of self-preservation. But if I told you that you could fly, you'd believe me. Now, you want in or not? I offered to cut Kyle a share but he said he was done with 'trouble.' Wanted to 'go straight.' Look where he is now."
"You killed him?"
I back away, cursing my stupid mouth and the fact I can't seem to stop myself from saying whatever comes to mind.
"What?" Alejo gawks at me. "Fuck, no. I'm no fuckin' killer."
"Who have you sold this shit to?"
I stumble and catch myself on a trash can, knocking it over with a clatter and falling on my ass.
Alejo looks down at me with a frown.
"The fuck should I know? It's not like we exchange business cards. Wait a minute... Is this some under-cover shit? Are you working with that cop?"
"No, I..."
He grabs the front of my shirt, hauls me to my feet and throws me against the back of his car, leaning over with his face close to mine.
"I swear to God, cabrón, if you try to fuck me over, I will fuck you up. I will make you forget your own damn name."
"Everything okay out here?"
Alejo spins at the sound of a new voice and I lurch upright and put a few steps of distance between us.
The speaker is the vaguely familiar dark-haired guy I'd seen at the bar, who seems to have just emerged from the back entrance.
"Yeah, everything's fine," Alejo says, shooting me a warning glare and brushing invisible dust from his jacket.
My would-be rescuer turns to me for confirmation and I nod.
"Yeah. Just a misunderstanding."
To my surprise, the man's eyes go wide and he points at me.
"Oh, hey. It's you."
I squint, trying to make out his features better through my somewhat swirly vision.
"I don't..."
"It's Rafael... the guy who's truck almost creamed you the other day," he laughs. "You okay?"
"Oh, yeah. The landscaper, right? Yeah, I'm okay."
"Good."
He grins and turns to Alejo.
"Anyway, I just came out to see what was going down."
Alejo shoots me a warning glance.
"How much you want this time?"
"How 'bout... six."
Alejo's brows raise and he whistles.
"Fuck, man. Alright."
He checks that we're alone before opening the trunk again.
As he does, more gears click into place.
Landscaper.
He was on Lucille's street.
Lucille could have been coerced into performing the ritual on herself while under the influence of this drug.
He's buying this drug.
Lucille left her house to a gardener.
A landscaper is a gardener of a kind, right?
Maybe she was open to suggestions about her will, too.
Fuck me.
I don't know how the ritual of Feasts fits in to all this but I need to get away and call John.
Money exchanges hands.
Alejo packs the vials in a slim box, like one might use to gift jewelry and Rafael slips it in his pocket.
I begin edging towards the door and the safety of the bar as Alejo carefully repacks his stash, leaning over the open trunk.
I'm about halfway there when Rafael pulls a pistol from inside his jacket and shoots him in the back of the head.
The shot is surprisingly quiet.
Alejo slumps like a puppet with cut strings, half in the trunk of his car.
Rafael rifles in his pocket and retrieves the roll of bills. 
I stand frozen in shock.
Then, as Rafael straightens and turns, I bolt for the door.
Somehow still alive, I reach it, grasp the hand and pull hard.
It's locked.
My blood turns to ice.
I shut my eyes. 
Nothing happens.
Slowly, I turn back and find Rafael watching me.
He holds the gun loose at his side.
"Locked it on my way out," he says. "I knew when you followed him you'd put it together."
"Put... what together?"
My lips are numb with fear but I force myself to speak.
The longer he talks to me, the longer I live.
He smirks.
"Alejo couldn't keep a secret any better than he could keep his dick in his pants. I knew he'd show you the drug and tell you how it works. You'd think of Lucille and maybe Kyle, how he was kept alive so much longer than should have been possible. Even if you didn't, you'd tell the cop and the cop would think of it. And then Alejo would squeal."
He shakes his head.
"Good thing I been keeping tabs and followed you tonight. I wasn't ready to take you yet but I guess it can't be helped. Hope the demon doesn't mind an early supper."
"I don't... know what you're talking about," I gasp.
It seems a bit dumb to pretend ignorance at this point but I got nothing else.
"No?"
He turns at the rumble of an engine.
For a moment, my heart leaps with hope as a dark, boxy van pulls across the entrance of the alleyway and stops.
Then Rafael grasps my arm and presses the gun to my side, pulling me along as he walks me to the van.
The side door slides open and Rafael pushes me inside.
The driver leans around her seat and I find myself confronted by a familiar shock of purple hair above a pixie-like face.
"Rexi?"
My mind swirls and I wonder if Alejo gave me a bigger dose than he thought.
Rafael steps in and shuts the door, keeping the gun trained on me as he takes his seat. 
"You wouldn't know it, Carlos," he says, looking down at me.
"But our families go way back. We got some catching up to do."
He nods at Rexi and the van lurches into motion and carries us into the night.
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lesbianwilby · 2 years ago
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howdy wil! Answer any or all of these if you want :D
violet— do you like to cook or bake? if so, what is it that you like to make?
azalea— what is the most recent song you listened to? how do you feel about it?
lotus— what is your favorite color and in what shade? e.g. sage green, navy blue, ect. dahlia— do you like to follow current fashion trends or do you have a particular style that you prefer to stick to?
HELLOOOOOOO thank u for adding the questions w ur ask i an in the middle of watching youtube videos n i dont have the brainpower to copy/paste these LMAO (so sory i didn't for u i do not think very well)
violet: i do sometimes!! theres not a lot of food or ingredients n shit in my house n cant rly buy like .any n also massive lack of energy so i cant a lot but i love cooking n baking even if its usually just helping my mom 🫶 im very fond of making things w chicken massive safe food 4 me in many ways
azalea: salamander by deco*27‼️ i adore this song SO much i just have to ignore that its about cup noodles and im good .most recent english song tho would be electioneering by radiohead which!! is actually my current favorite song off of ok computer :3
lotus: this is such a hard question for me to answer bc im so odd w colors 😭 i think?????? probly like a dark brick red.. overall i tend to stick more to color schemes vs specific colors n .all my color schemes tend to center around either red or neutrals so
dahlia: RAHHHHHH FASHION QUESTION so. for me its kinda a mix of both? it REALLY depends on the trend n who i see in it n how accessible it is to me n if i actually LIKE it.. like im not going to sit here n deny that my style has never been influenced by or even changed by trends bc thatd be a goddamn lie but also its not been like. a permanent change ig???? leme like share examples to fully explain
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so heres two outfits i wore in 2021, first was sometime in summer second was during october or september probs?? now obviously these aren't like the same exact style but like in my brain n for how i dress they come close enough (also yes i had my hair dyed red two times in a row .no they were not the same shade or anything. btw think in second picture i already had my mullet why didnt i wear my hair up wth was up w that)
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these r some more recent outfits!! first one is actually the most recent picture i have of any of my outfits i wore it to a job interview :3 and yes the three others have the same exact top and yes i am wearing the same two pairs of pants in these and yes i did wear both my necklace and pocket watch with them all and yes i did carry the same bag .my style has been toned down a LOT recently tbh n im ngl its def been at least partly influenced by trends.. i dont mind it tho its comfy n cute n i dont have to think much
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however sometimes i do still go back to my "old" style that never rly left tbh (in the og pics the only thing i dont have anymore is the skirt n thats bc i dont wear those colors rly anymore).. first one was sometime this summer? second time i think was last month actually!!
n like even still w my toned-back style n shit i still make 3d kandi cuffs n i still listen to music that someone who would see me in passing wouldn't expect n even if these outfits r "tame" bc im way too lazy to go n find pictures from high school (my kandi cuffs used to get worn almost daily + my beloved reflective galaxy platforms have gotten so scuffed from the steps to the front 🫶) they're still pretty different in my mind i think to what i wear now so like .yeah what i wear out has been influenced by whatever trend i see on tiktok however its never been fully based on that 4 many reasons n the old parts of my style never rly "leave" they just get pushed back until a later time
#out there#i still have all of my bows n hair clips that overflow my accessory drawers n my tutus n my t-shirts from hot topic#bc even if its not me rn it was at one point n probs will be again#ngl. i very easily could've explained this both better + w/o these pictures LMAO#i just love showing off my outfits even old ones even tho these r TERRIBLE examples#unfortunately i don't have a lot of older examples bc i used to be rly insecure so i never took pictures EVER#so a lot of those outfits rly got lost to time#do have quite a few more recent outfits tho#including several where i wear my bralettes as tops .man those r cute outfits i love every single one#anyways .rly did use this as an excuse to share some of my (not greatest unfortunately) outfits oops !#ty for asking that question at least tho 🫡#ive always been a bit w fashion but it got a lot more extreme during my senior year#cuz yk .2020 tiktok had an impact on me n my style LMFAO#n that slowly ran out probs towards very end of 2021 where i never rly went out anywhere n if i did it was usually a basic outfit#n then .now again kinda following trends ig at least in what i see but to me its just like#ive always thought these styles were cute n now this gives me the push i needed to start wearing them#yk?#i think im rly just saying shit my brain is mush#ive had todays alpharad gold upload just paused on my tv while typing all this LMAK#pls dont judge my outfits too hard 🙏#ik theyre all kinda copy/paste esp w the items i wear#n to most people on here u wouldn't call any of these n tbh i wouldn't either#but in my defense i have always struggled with very low energy levels SO#done rambling if i forgot something ill edit idfk#ty for the ask again btw :3#ask#sparksnevadas#also fun fact! on tumblr mobile when answering asks u cant see ur whole tags w/o posting or saving to drafts#so if this seems very incoherent its bc i literally forgot what i just said n had no way to check n tried not to repeat things
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pikl-ooc · 1 month ago
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Desire fear heartbreak for whichever troll of your choice
gonna go 4 estria cause i dont talk abt her enough and trollstrology is almost a year old now and woag awesome anniversary yiiippee yahoo
desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it? - tbh she mainly just wants to like. Not Be in a jade cavern anymore cause she thinks its all boring and stressful n shit. shes probly considered breaking out a few times but shes kind of a weenie and afraid of being caught
fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away? - I feel like she gets scared a lot about her friends (esp. her cavernmates + the other trollstrology mods) secretly hating her tbh. messaging the group chat at 2am after a minor disagreement occurs like Are you guys still mad at me :(
heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened? - probably never Had one but shes most likely Caused a lot of them cause of her doodoo abysmal inconsistent dating advice. trolled
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nvrtrust-naims · 1 year ago
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i want to fucking die i always feel like nobody loves me
i always feel like im throwing away everything n wasting opportunities n not doing good enough n im losing myself over time or im just killing myself by being around
ive always felt like im on a time limit n i always feel like im losing everything i love
n theres so many things i love n things n ppl i would die for but its so hard for me to ever express that bc i always feel like as soon as i show what i love to the world or to anyone that itll disappear or get stolen or ill be hated or shamed for loving
im always holding everything together in my waist in my abdomen all tied up w a shoelace n ribbons n i feel like soon something is just gonna unravel it all n ill spill all over the floor
like im sure everything is going well probly n im well adjusted but it never feels that way i keep thinking when was the last time i felt calm
anyways i feel like when i show what i love its like im scooping into my chest w both hands and presenting my heart still pumping and attatched w entrails n when im showing it to them they grab it from me and squeeze until it bursts
breaking my heart or something
ERM BUT ANYWAYS FUCK IT WE BAWL !!!!
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moondonky · 1 year ago
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Probly shouldn't
Why not... I praise God.. but I don't really tell anyone.. yet I listen to peoples interpretations, as if it's a person,, or a name, or a figure like a being, people will talk about karma and spirituality, but to me that's consequences of actions and understanding ur body, can seem magical but not really, the universe is energy.. vibrations and occilation forming,, I do believe God is living like a guiding feeling, god wants u to keep living, theres pattern and order, there is a perfection to everything, it could not have happened any other way, our existance is a miracle, theres a mystery, people will talk about simulation and matrix as if we're trapped in sumthing, a way to explain things, because there is design in things, everything we knew and know is always changing, as if we know nothing, why we are living is what is random, and people blame God for things, why would God let this happen, why does God not intervein, why would God do this to me, yet the world keeps spinning and life keeps living, that miracle is your environment that was full of bounties.. u have freewill, it only gets as bad as u let it,, shepards... nature does not sin, but people do, to me that is satan cruel, sinners that's people, when u fight Satan u fight yourself the temptations, it destroys, sin repent repeat as I like to say excuses, energy does not die it only transfers it only reforms, praise God be a good person and life keeps living, u get to see God in its beauty and its captivating.. I look at people and I see beautiful people or ugly people good people or sinners, like I look at nature, doesn't matter what it looks like, it's either filled with life or it's dead... u look out at the universe and it's infinite, u look at anything close enough it is infinite.. but we are here, we are energy it never dissapears, people think there just gonna hop on a spaceship and travel for millions of years, or build a new planet, I'd rather stay here, I'd rather fix here.. I'd rather be a good person,, wheat and tares u can plant them both but only one regrows, and the other becomes it dirt.. tree of life, God does not punish, people punish people, god doesn't control,, people control people, God does not hate, people hate... and destroy, and kill, people are Satan the system they created, heavon or hell that a choice people create...
Effin millenial why not, takes knowledge to understand this,, or alot of stories and metaphors.. sometimes u gotta use ur imagination, sumtimes u just help others be good people and hope it trends
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necklacings · 2 years ago
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None of the labels will probly get back to me but I'm kinda too old n so not photogenic enough to put out music anyway. I'm fine w making up lil poems as long as they com out, before another long drought.
At least I kno my brain is still here lmao. The depresh slowness made me feel like I'd gotten dumb! N I was depres so long I forgot I WAS depres.
I thought I was never gonna be able to write another lil thing again
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heybinnie · 5 years ago
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?
#idk if ive told this story but theres this guy who used to be my childhood best friend#we’re not rly friends anymore bc a few years ago (after 8 years of friendship bc i liked him and i thought hm if i wait long enough maybe he#he’ll like me back but no it rly wasnt worth it) BC a few years ago i up and told him i didnt feel comfortable with him calling me his best#friend anymore bc he only ever came to me to talk abt his girlfriends and how they were toxic to him and i swear i gave him solid advice but#he never listened nd generally when i wanted to Share with him my own probs and stuff he wouldnt listen to me like i did for him#my other Genuine best friend convinced me hes the one toxic here and he really really was so i told him stop calling me that and he legit#stopped talking to me the next day and for the next three years#ok Anyway thats the context#so abt three weeks ago it got rly weird bc he suddenly dmed me on insta talking abt film photography#which is fine bc i like film too and we Occasionally talk on insta (but its in bursts and never every now and then)#and he was suddenly asking to meet and stuff to help him with a shoot based on a theme he had in mind#it had a lot to do with our neighbourhood and that i lived the closest to him and ‘is the closest’ to him as a friend now#so in a sense i was kinda like supposed to help him shoot for stuff help him get insp and whatever it honestly was rly sudden tbh but i Get#it#and it all still felt super fishy so i went to see his profile and all his photos with his now ex gf were all gone and it was very sudden#and i was thinking this guy better not be Doing it again......bc he did this same thing way back then where he only looked for me when his t#thing with any of his gfs wasnt working out and i told my Actual Best friend and she was like dont do it . youre too kind like that but dont#do it...she rly hates this guy btw lol anyway so i was rly super uncomfortable bc it rly did feel like that like how it felt all those years#ago and i told him dude i cant meet you tmr im actually busy (i rly was) and theres another reason but i’ll tell sometime later#and he was like hm ok and it probly might make me look like an ass bc this is a guy looking for comfort and stuff but yall gotta understand#i wasnt in the best place that week but anyway#literally. Literally a week later he starts posting pics with this completely new and different girl#and suddenly hes saying he loves her and where has she been all his life and itsjust so Weird bc he was So In Love with his previous girlfri#end too and i just??? its literally why i didnt want to meet with him bc it felt So Weird that he just broke up and suddenly hes seeing#someone else....just didnt sit right with me in my guts even if he probably needed someone bc i know there are people like that#that was literally the whole point of me saying i’ll tell the other reason later i swear it was too give him Some Time and suddenly this guy#anyway this is honestly the tiniest issue right now in my life but heres one drama thats happened during my Mini Miniest hiatus#im thinking ok maybe this is how he copes aka fall fast to forget prev relationships but i wonder if his new girl has any idea.........bc i#was sincerely hoping for the best for his prev girlfriend....i know too much abt how he is even if we havent been Friends friends for 10#years now...hes literally the same i swear and i just wish. i just hope his new girlfriend wont be too broken idk
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